Even after I had my own apartment across town and was approaching thirty, he still referred to me as his little daughter. Before we weren’t, we were very close.
We got into an argument six years ago. If I’m being honest, it was a dumb one. Underlying the politics was grief, control, and two people who had lost the ability to communicate in the same language. That day, I shut the door on him. Neither of us followed up.
Then the phone rang.
I was informed by a facility woman that he had been admitted a month prior. Dementia symptoms first appeared, followed by pneumonia. They had too few employees. Visitors are not permitted inside. I was completely unaware that he had left his home.
The following morning, I drove there, my pulse pounding as if I were pulling up to a courthouse rather than a nursing home. He merely gazed when he saw me outside his window. I gave a wave. He blinked. He sat up slowly after that.
That second image? We hadn’t touched in more than six years till then. I was broken, glass or not.
He raised his hand, and I mirrored it, but he didn’t say much—couldn’t really. I apologized to him. I’m not even sure if he heard me or got what I was saying. However, he briefly closed his eyes as if he were clutching something holy.
I kept my trip a secret. Not even my boyfriend, not my brother. Additionally, I still haven’t listened to the nurse’s message.
I’m not sure if I’m prepared to hear its contents.
Three days passed before I eventually hit play on the message that had been sitting on my phone. “Your father has taken a turn,” the nurse said in a composed yet forceful tone. He’s requesting you. Come quickly, please.
Do you want me? That was nonsensical. Since our disagreement, my dad had not asked for anything from me. He maintained his distance even on birthdays, holidays, and family get-togethers. Why would he desire me right now?
But I was plagued by guilt. Perhaps this was my opportunity to make amends—to do something for him before it was too late. I prepared an overnight bag, bid my significant other farewell without revealing my destination (as, to be honest, I wasn’t sure myself), and made my way back to the assisted living facility.
They let me in this time. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, and the foyer had a subtle fragrance of old carpet and disinfectant. I followed a young assistant along a corridor with doors that were slightly open, letting me see glimpses of lives that had slowed down due to disease or aging. She paused at the end of the hallway and gently tapped on Room 12.
A voice so feeble I could hardly identify it as my father’s cried out, “Come in.”
I froze as soon as I entered the doorway. His once-broad shoulders were bent under the weight of the covers, and he appeared smaller than I remembered. His face appeared thinner and more vulnerable, and his hair had turned nearly completely gray. But his eyes were the same, those piercing blue eyes that could see right through any falsehood.
I said clumsily, edging close to the threshold, “Hey.”
He answered, “Close the door,” and I was surprised at how clearly he said it. “You appear to be ready to run.”
After hesitating, I complied. It was strange to sit in the chair next to his bed; it was like entering a dream where everything was familiar but incorrect. We were silent for a long time. He waited, watching me while I examined the patterns on the blanket.
The silence was finally broken by him. “What brought you here?”
I was surprised by his inquiry. Wasn’t it clear? Because I owed him, because he was ill, and because he needed someone… However, none of those responses seemed genuine enough to be said out.
I stumbled, “I got your message.” “They claimed you were requesting me.”
Slowly, as if to confirm something to himself, he nodded. “I was hoping to see you. Prior to… He faded off without saying anything else.
What comes first? Before he lost sight of me? Before he lost the ability to speak? Prior to his death? Between us, all those possibilities loomed large.
“Do you recall when we last spoke?” I inquired in a low voice, expecting to be disappointed or angry.
I was shocked when he made a dry, raspy laugh. “Yes, I do remember. You called me pigheaded and stubborn, and then you rushed out. which is fair, by the way.
My mouth fell open. “What?”
He waved a dismissive hand and remarked, “Oh, don’t act so shocked.” “I am aware that I was difficult to work with. You weren’t either, dear. You know, I passed that temper on to you.
I laughed for the first time in a long time—at him, at us, at the ridiculousness of sitting here rehashing old hurts when life itself felt so unstable. The chill was strangely broken by that laugh.
We spoke for hours that day. Almost anything. Almost nothing. Regarding Mom, whose passing six years prior had served as the actual catalyst for our argument. He acknowledged that he didn’t understand my career, but he was still proud of it. Regarding my brother, who had always been the mediator and likely disliked us both for it.
He once grabbed for my hand and, despite his weakness, held it firmly. “You know,” he added, “I always loved you.” even when I was unsure of how to express it.
My eyes pricked with tears. “Dad, I also never stopped loving you.”
After two weeks, I got another call. It came from my brother this time, not the nurse. As he broke the news, his voice cracked: Dad had died quietly while he slept.
I shed more tears than I had anticipated. Not only was he gone, but we had managed to get back to one another in time. since I had forgiven him and he had forgiven me. Because love had prevailed in the end.
People approached me during the funeral with tales of my dad’s generosity, kindness, and humor. Every tale depicted a man I wished I had known more about before. I came to a significant realization as I stood beside his grave, holding a solitary white rose:
Fixing what’s broken is never too late. Life is chaotic, complex, and uncertain. Intentionally or unintentionally, people harm one another. But choosing to move on together, even if only temporarily, is what forgiveness is all about, not forgetting.
Pick up the phone if you’ve been harboring grudges. Write a letter. Come visit. Make every effort to get back in touch. You may not have another opportunity.
I appreciate you reading my tale. Please share it with others if it spoke to you. We should remind ourselves that there is always hope for recovery. 